Info

Track Ratings

Release

#TitleRating
1Prayer Locket: I want to be a healer. I want to 100% heal.
2My Genie: You made nobody happy, but at least you didn’t get hurt.
3White Cats Die Young (Sign 0801): Then again, we’re both inky souls.
4Nesting: My second-rate love. My value-menu love. My you-were-there-and-I’m-too-scared-to-look-elsewhere love.
5Impasse: You left me for the exit as I screamed my name.
6Sleepwalking: I took her and held her up and stared up into her and was… happy.
7And We Are One: “Now tell me, Karma. If you could turn the key to end the world, wouldn’t you do it? Just to see what it’s like? Just to one-two-skip-a-few all the way to the end of this sad, silly story?“
8Your Move: I looked at the syrup dripping over whipped cream and imagined a whipped cream world for myself too. It was harder than I thought. I’d touch it and it would topple.
9I am here, I’m nowhere, and nowhere’s right for me.
10Velveteen: Together forever promise. Sleeping part.
11Midnight Counterpoint: Only real tears bring absolution.

2017 Demo

#TitleRating
1(Lyterie): The death of Lilly Watermoon. Or is it Lilly Lyterie? Nobody? I can never remember…
2My Genie: Goodbye, flower. You made nobody happy, but at least you didn’t get hurt.
3White Cats Die Young (Sign 0801): “That’s… how the song ends?” “For you, I’m afraid so.”
4Nesting: My shitty, second-rate love. My value-menu love. My you-were-there-and-I’m-too-scared-to-look-elsewhere love.
5Impasse: You left me for the exit as I screamed my name.
6Orchid the Dragon: Too huge. Too strong. Too scary! to be cute.
7And We Are One: “Now tell me, Karma. If you could turn the key to end the world, wouldn’t you do it? Just to see what it’s like? Just to one-two-skip-a-few all the way to the end of this sad, silly story?”

Notes

“Legitimate” reference note for this album.

songs that are precious to me

Prayer Locket

if someone asked me what my absolute favorite song is, i don’t think i’d be able to give them a single answer. but that’s probably common around these parts. instead, the best i can really do is give them a few different options, organized by how sincere i am about them being my absolute favorite. we can start at Whoomp (There It Is) (10% sincere) and go from there:

but that’s weird, right? you’re not supposed to put a song you wrote as your absolute favorite song! that would be conceited. and be real, do you really think that a song you put together with a tracker and an $80 mic is good enough to stand up against the canon?

and maybe it doesn’t. but.

i feel like anybody who skims through my account for any length of time will know that i have unusual preferences. anybody who digs a little deeper will start to see an underlying logic to what i like and why i like it, and anybody who thinks the same way as me (do such people exist?) can guess that i have a personal investment in the logic and world i’ve cultivated. i listen to things as a means of understanding who i am, and can firmly say that everything i like also becomes a part of me, in a way.

so, purity route is an ok album. like anything, there are some parts i like, some parts i don’t, and every song has something i’d change in retrospect. but then there’s prayer locket. i don’t know what happened, but something happened with that one. it managed to tap into the fundamental wiring that makes up who i am, and draw out something that rearranges the strange and messy way i tick into something i can make sense of. i consider it a form of pure self-expression, and through its creation i somehow actually accomplished a goal which many artists spend decades chasing.

(like it still took me over a decade to get to this point, but hey.)

yet the consequence was that i ended up soul-bonded to that song, in a way that i don’t think i am with anything else. and, looking back, my attachment to that song is what made the reception of that album absolutely crushing. i could only take it as a rejection of myself in the most fundamental way, because it just so happened to contain a piece of me at my most fundamental. and so even though i know all this is irrational, i can’t bring myself to promote it, or even to tell anybody about it. i don’t want to get hurt anymore.

i’ve stopped regularly listening to music. it doesn’t really leave a good taste in my mouth now.
i’ve stopped making music for much the same reason.
i regularly consider deleting everything, just so it can’t hurt me.
yet every month or so i end up crying because of it anyway.
i did the emotional equivalent of jamming a fork in the electrical socket and now there are five six songs that are guaranteed to send me into a sobbing fit.
i thought i did a good job…