ref. DÉ DÉ MOUSE - be yourself (2018), Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (2001)
If every experience eventually becomes a memory, then what’s so different about fabricating a memory of an experience that one wishes they could’ve had? Wouldn’t the end result be the same either way?
A memory is just a facsimile of the sensory experience; the receipt of its transaction. Simply having the memory won’t assuage the desire to once again experience the real thing any more than remembering one’s favorite food quenches the desire to eat it again – if anything, it makes it worse.
Yet one doesn’t need to have an experience in order to desire it, as desire is often what motivates people to obtain new experiences in the first place. And, if one is unable to obtain what they desire, perhaps forging a receipt is better than having nothing at all.
She’s a good girl, and he’s a good boy, her mom thought, so there’s no harm in leaving the two of them alone for a few minutes, right? What could they possibly do during that time?
He had taken her mom up on the offer to learn how to bake, and so all three of them were going to spend the afternoon baking pies together. But when she was getting out the ingredients for the crust, she realized that she was out of shortening – even though she could’ve swore that she still had some left in the pantry. So, against her better judgment, she grabbed her keys and left to drive to the store in-town.
The two had been dating in secret for a few months by then. After inviting him over to watch Spirited Away together, the two began to bond over their shared love of Japanese culture and all things cute. She would talk about how much she wanted to learn the language and one day live there, and he encouraged her in this dream and even wanted it for himself as well. The two couldn’t help but feel some connection – as if their lives were moving in the same direction – so it only made sense for them to travel down this path together.
She peeked through the blinds and watched her mom pull out of the gravel driveway and start heading down the country highway. As soon as her car had nearly faded from view, she motioned for him to follow her as she ran down the hall to her bedroom. They had talked about wanting to do this if they ever got the chance, and it seemed that the perfect chance had just arrived.
She locked the door behind him the instant he crossed the threshold into her bedroom. Silently, they began stripping off their clothes with their backs to each other – them both too ashamed to watch each other undress. A soft, low Hey. crept out from behind his ear, and he turned around to see her standing in front of him, completely bare.
His heart skipped a beat as he took in her figure: her petite breasts, her slender waist leading into subtly-defined hips; between her toned legs laid a wispy bush concealing a secret that had fascinated him since childhood. Her smile was radiant as ever, with her olive complexion tinged with a faint blush and the tails of her braided ebony hair swaying back and forth alongside her. In that moment, he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He adored her, he desired her, he wanted to feel her body against his; but more than that… he felt that he truly loved her.
She took his hand and led him to her bed, almost pulling him onto it with her. She bashfully opened her legs and, hesitantly, clumsily, he guided his cock into her waiting pussy. He couldn’t believe how hot she was inside. She wrapped her arms around his back to draw him close, and together the two let their bodies do what they were instinctually made to do.
He felt the orgasm surging up through his legs after only a couple minutes. He knew that he should pull out, but the feeling of being inside her was just so good that, by the time he could convince himself to, it was too late. With the tip of his cock still inside her, he couldn’t help but shoot out one gush of cum before spilling the rest onto the bed sheets beneath her legs.
In a panic, he bolted upright and sat next to her on her bed. Tracing her finger along her inner labia, she gasped and placed her hand over her mouth when she realized that some of it did go in. They both realized that they had just really fucked up.
They froze upon hearing the sound of tires crushing loose gravel drawing ever closer. He quickly tried to dress himself, but after watching him fumbling with his pants she frantically whispered go change in the bathroom! He grabbed the rest of his things and ran out into the hall, slamming her bedroom door behind him, and then slamming the bathroom door in the distance.
There was an eerie silence between them as they all baked together. Look at how bashful they are around each other, her mom thought. They’re obviously interested in each other, but they’re both too afraid to make the first move!
The next time she saw him at school, she walked up to him to break the news. She asked him if he wanted to walk around outside with her, and he felt his stomach start to churn as they both walked together. Once they had made their way to the middle of the parking lot, she let him know that she had started her period the day after, so they didn’t have to worry about that anymore. Both of them felt like they had just dodged a bullet, and they only had the grace of God to thank for that.
They never formally broke up, but things were so stilted between the two that they both knew that it was over, and after she left for college they never spoke again. He only saw her once since then, many years later, spotting her face amidst the sea of others who were also taking the JLPT, but he felt no need to say hi to her and risk dredging up her memory of him. Still, he was happy to see that she was pursuing her dream after all.