i chose to be defective
is that it? i really don’t know…
but heterosexuality feels so all-encompassing that it’s easy to become desensitized to it. it’s everywhere, and motivates everyone, and you can’t escape it. it permeates the air and gives it such a strange smell.
so it feels bad when you’re not able to hack it. everything you see and hear reminds you of your failure. the air itself mocks you.
i listen to love songs and hear i-love-yous that weren’t meant for me, but i try to ignore this so i can feel a happiness from them too. i watch stories about people searching for love from people who don’t look like me. and everyone has a husband! where do they come from!
(but do you want to be a husband?) oh heavens no.