condition of the heart
there is a path for how life is supposed to go. i was supposed to stay a boy, and was supposed to marry a girl. we were supposed to have children together. we were supposed to raise these children together. i was supposed to have a family, and i was supposed to make friends with all these people who chose to walk the same path too.
but then something went horribly, horribly wrong.
and i think i’m supposed to count myself blessed to have the privilege of breaking free from this path.
yet it still seems so nice, so happy! it’s so easy to ignore the high likelihood of this arrangement fracturing, as i’ve seen happen among half of everyone i’m around. it’s so easy to ignore how many walk this path still harboring some resentment against their partner – their choice – and hoping it doesn’t bubble up and become visible. it’s so easy to ignore all the affairs, all the abused children, all the abandoned mothers. it’s easy to wonder if the stable nuclear family is the exception more than the rule, but also easy to hang it all on the hope that mine will be stable too.
because the alternative to walking this path is to become a freak.
it’s to make my home among the perverts and the peds and call them family.
and even if i do love them with my life… i wish it didn’t have to come to this.
so where did it all go wrong?