Info
- Title:: serial experiments lain
- TitleEN:: serial experiments lain
- Studio:: Triangle Staff
- Year:: 1998
- Format:: Series
- Episodes:: 13
Log
1/-/15
why do i love this show so much. because i do. atmospherically it’s wonderful, with that mix of 90s slide guitar and techno-gaudiness and 22050 samples and winamp visualizers as the world’s undercarriage. yes it’s overt and rejects sensible description for the chance to filter things through the psx bios. but that’s my fetish so.
of course that’s cool and all but it also bleeds into how it tells its story and maybe that’s where problems arrive. it gets too caught up in itself.
fundamentally, we can’t talk about lain without talking about eiri. which is good in some ways and sad in others, since we no longer are able to read this the straight way—as a story about an outcast who gets the internet and discovers how it brings out latent personality traits (a). so we gotta reach for more indirect explanations. lain as eiri doesn’t work because eiri shows up, with definite form and cadence. and at this point i bail out and write lain as an idealized tulpa derived from eiri at adolescence.
and what grand effect does this theorizing serve? none but mine probably, since i see a lot of myself in lain. her upbringing speaks to mine. her isolation from the physical world speaks to how i was. and her shy high-reactive nature speaks to how i am. i love her. i am her. derive from me and you’d likely get her.
but is this reading plausible? or am i just projecting? who fuckin knows.
a) really damn lain as nerd lain as troll/pedant lain as voyeur is incredibly accurate, especially for 1998.
the first time i saw it i didn’t like the ending. this is the chance of a lifetime! humanity enters a new phase! and you’re abandoning the plan and your calling.
it’s not even for a notable moral reason beyond the personal inability to bear the screams of the only person you love who probably only likes you as a friend. is it worth turning back and fixing the clock just for her? or perhaps this evolution is inevitable, but then don’t you have a duty to accept your role because someone else could mangle it? half of being a leader is taking up the spot so that someone horrible can’t have it i’d think.
this time i didn’t like the ending either, but i ain’t gonna moralize. her human side won out. and her choice turned out to be equally painful and unsatisfying, condemning her forever as an outsider (despite it being a final core connection to someone else that triggered the choice!). was it still flippant and desperate? probably. but it turned out ok.
2017-07-22 – 2017-07-25
EP2
i think i’m in a position where i can understand the ending to this. maybe.
or at least i feel like i know a little more about what it means to be connected to others through the internet. because like, in one sense we all are, but at the same time, i’m not really. and in the end the shy girl with sensory issues chose the one person who befriended her and genuinely cared about her over a new world. what would it mean to be universally connected? what does more connections offer?
EP3
yeah there is definitely something off about her, at least from the outside observer. i think at one point i started wondering if she (or at least 玲音) is mildly autistic, but from the few fansites online i could find, the consensus was “no, she’s an ai.” which is true, but also that’s the thing which makes this show frustrating to interpret. the ai layer feels like pointless complexity.
btw there’s a high-pitched noise whenever a vocal clip plays and it can get irritating if you notice it.
EP4
or maybe it’s harder for me to interpret because i know what the internet can do now. back then the possibility space wasn’t as clearcut as it is right now (relatively speaking), and it’s in the the latent potential of the medium that both the highest utopias and greatest threats lurk. who’s to say that we couldn’t get sucked into the net back then? the concept of vr was around—see: virtual boy—and it definitely could’ve felt plausible. so really the show was throwing a whole lot of ideas at the wall, and it was inevitable that enough of them stuck around for the show to feel strangely prescient even ten and twenty years later.
(also lain’s mood change here, even as lain #1, makes it even harder to pin down who she is. her character doesn’t feel entirely coherent)
EP5
is this where her sister starts acting weird instead of her. (edit: no, irl lain’s still nutty)
and it makes a lot more sense to interpret lain as a thing undergoing a learning process. she was awakened, and now she’s being uploaded with data. her being human here is somewhat contingent, and she’s not exactly human, and has enough of a body for her to know what it’s like to have a body. given her disconnection from it in most situations, there’s a very real chance that the test was rigged in “her” favor from the start. if it weren’t for alice, giving up her body for the sake of humanity would’ve been an easy choice—it’s not like she ever got to do much with it.
though the fact that a lot of this parallels reality could be a coincidence, and the logic of the wired should be treated as something completely different.
EP6
it especially deviates from irl internet logic in that a girl can be on the wired and that’s ok.
except when they tried to blow her up, but, it happens to everyone.
EP7
(the “help me to breathe” in duvet is not very well enunciated)
i wonder if the lack of arisus in people’s life is part of why people get fucked up online.
(not necessarily offline, but just in general) (also lain looks so sad in that scene!)
and the seams of lain’s identity are forced apart
EP8
and it kinda hurts because, lain’s fear in her accusation isn’t just because of what she did, but because she doesn’t know what she is doing. which is incredibly terrifying. it’s like she’s on ambien 24/7 really.
voyeur lain also provides a useful counterpoint to the transhuman ideals of the wired, where all information can and will be free. (and god reinforces this message later)
“the part of me that i hate” oh, so she does recognize it as part of her.
EP9
i’ve always felt that she must be rolling bitcoin to have a rig like that.
(or maybe lain is just a buggy program. being human tends to make that happen)
EP10
lain as boku here is perhaps an important distinction. maybe it helps muddy the waters between lain and eiri a bit more. i’m not sure who she is in that scene, and knowing her ontology seems important.
and wherein the knights get doxed.
i wonder how nerd feels that even his oc rejects him…
EP11
and there’s even a sense where i feel like it would be weird to be around lain. like she would be difficult to love, in the all-encompassing sense. she wouldn’t feel 100% human to be around—she might be pleasant to talk to and be with, and you could empathize with her and cheer her up and feel good for cheering her up, but it’d be hard to shake the feeling that her arms may be detachable.
like pinocchio, she may just want to be real. i think that should be a simple request, though it’s tough to define what’s real here.
EP12
i wonder why it’s so hard to blindly accept this one’s logic like i can with other shows. like magical girls signing soul contracts is perfectly fine. but play with lamarckian theories of human evolution and i have to struggle to suspend my disbelief. is it because i truly believe that girls are magical?
also i think i’d be unsatisfied with my name if it was lain.
also i think this is the episode where lain realizes that she likes girls.
EP13
the flange on the vocal reverb is a nice touch.
and in the end, lain becomes a teenager. at least, that’s the best justification i can find for her decision.
i think maybe i find it unsatisfying because the ending is the chance to bare the soul of the story. even if it’s not didactic with its outcome, it should still feel like the story itself has some connection with its outcome. maybe it condones it, maybe it denounces it, but something. here, it just kinda ends.
it would probably feel a lot more satisfying if it came as a natural result of lain’s psychology, but the show has been kinda weaselly about pinning down what that is. or what she is, for that matter.
so an answer of “she chose this” hangs helplessly from a string of potential questions—did she choose this? did she choose this? did she choose this?—which the show never gave us the tools to resolve.
maybe i truly cannot understand it due to being a westerner, but i feel like after a few watches i should be able to have a decent enough grasp on this show for me to love it in the way i want to love it. i want to have a decent enough grasp on her for me to love her in the way i want to love her, but the dfc makes it hard to grab on.
(i love it too though…)
responses to prior concerns raised:
- that said, i do think that this show is trying to privilege the body as a source of human connection. and it might be as understated as that in the end. it’s not even saying that it’s a better form of connection, just that it’s not worth throwing out entirely. it has a capacity for attachment that transcends the simulated omnipresence which the wired makes possible. it shows that information exchange, while an essential part of humanity (and potentially what makes us uniquely human), isn’t the only form of interconnection worth considering. i think i can live with that. if that’s where it’s going.
- i also want to say that the reason lain is so incoherent is because she is how she is remembered (or perhaps envisioned) by each other person. so e.g. lain the voyeur isn’t some ghoulish third person so much as a manifestation of the fear that someone will find out your secrets. you think her into being, through the semi-autonomous power of the wired. i think?
this still leaves the question open as to who iwakura lain is, however. maybe, if we’re going by this theory, it’s arguable that the lains we see are instances, instantiated by others (either collectively or individually) as they navigate the wired. these lains say their piece and fade away. iwakura lain is also an instance, albeit one moored to a physical body. the body gives the instance enough of a permanence for it to start questioning what the hell it is.
(though this leaves the question open as to how iwakura lain is able to begin mobilizing her agency to be able to rewrite reality. it also leaves open the question of how her own personality is able to change so rapidly, though i’ll have to double-check to see if those changes are only possible in wired contexts)
(then again it also explains why she needs her body in the first place. for her, it functions almost as like a cocoon, keeping her identity stabilized enough to the point where it can solidify and get stronger. maybe later she’d be able to keep herself together without her body, and it was only an unfortunate side effect that she was now susceptible to physical contact and other yummy feelings?)
2020-10-20 – 2020-11-24
it feels like the right time to watch this again.
themes to pay attention to, now that the internet is hell:
-
the internet being hell
rewatching Lain, which came out in 1998, and thinking about how a big concern of the 90s was that the internet was *so good*, so much better than “real life”, that people were going to be sucked into it forever and leave earth. we fixed this issue by making the internet suck ass
so now we’re all internet-addicted, as was foretold, but not even having a good time. cool!
– https://twitter.com/3liza/status/1299145853957894144Almost nobody in Lain ever looked like they were having a good time so I’d say they nailed that, too.
– https://twitter.com/monotremophobe/status/1299152498914099200Yea everyone seemed miserable IRL and then - feverishly desperately trying not to be miserable online. Like real life.
– https://twitter.com/foolerrant/status/1299247825096716288i guess i’m just more cynical about the internet since i last watched the show in 2017, and since i signed up to endure the full overstimulating force of social media during 2018–19.
-
me joining pleroma and being linux-radicalized, and seeing how appreciation of lain is central to that subcommunity and many analogous online subcommunities (e.g. lainchan)
like surely there has to be more to the affinity than “computer cool”
(even though, well, computer cool tho) -
lain as autism-coded seems increasingly important, along with her representing the DID experience.
-
me being able to just chill out and not expect everything to make sense
-
like the ending basically has her log off. this seems important.
and since now i often wish i could also just log off, maybe the ending will work better for me this time.
EP1: Weird
i should think about how metaphorical death is in this case. obviously here her death can be literal, because you can do that in anime.
chisa was being laughed at in the alleyway, and it’s unclear whether she had any close connections. early on it’s pretty well established that lain is a loner with neglectful parents and no real friends at school. aside from the stuffie wall, she lives in the barest most unwelcoming room in anime history. it’s the goddamn saddest room.
which is i guess why i want to consider the possibility of death being metaphorical. so far, we’ve mostly just met a handful of really lonely people. they’re already on the fringe of existing, publicly speaking, so the difference between them becoming a hikki and outright dying is nominal for those who aren’t logged on.
“people connect to each other and that’s how societies function,” with i guess the wired being presented as a valid alternative.
but i do love the motif on her dad’s computer. god i miss motif, but not enough to do anything about it.
the morning after…
the bear pajamas. they’re adorable, yes, but you’d only wear them if you weren’t planning on seeing anybody that day. and it makes her look kinda like a stuffie too!
she takes the hood off when she’s preparing to ask her dad for a new navi.
i feel like her fashion will be a meaningful thing to pay attention to going forward.
it’s also telling that her first spoken words are about how everyone talking to each other is noisy and she wishes they would all shut up. like what’s wrong lain? they’re just connecting with each other.
EP2: Girls
i’ve never actually gotten off to any erotica of lain, so by all accounts i’m not a real fan.
but i guess it’s also possible to read this as a story about human connection. and, in the case of this episode, what it means for one’s privacy. if everyone’s connected, then connection becomes compulsory.
she’s just a kid
terrifying
i want to believe that her dad got her the equivalent of the $50k mac pro, completely decked out. except really this was still the era when sgi machines used to go for tens of thousands minimum, so this wouldn’t be too far out of the ordinary for this show.
even when she goes out she wears a hat
EP3: Psyche
god this op is so good
lain is a story about a neurotypical trying to love a deeply autistic girl and being rebuffed by her general unresponsiveness at every turn. it’s beautiful.
surveillance
nobody’s talking on the train this time
and god arisu’s friends are so neurotypical.
every so often i remember how weird it is that we have information being beamed at us at all times.
oh my god her dad turns on the lights to her room.
and she doesn’t have her hat on this time.
i like how the kids are grilling her for not knowing how to use a device that isn’t even on the market. but also, this tracks from my experience being online.
EP4: Religion
being unable to get into my apartment is a very relatable fear.
wherein lain has a very rigid manner of speech.
lain being treated as an adult online also seems rather important. that’s how these things used to go, right? if you could act like an adult, then you would be treated like an adult. and the bar was lower in those days, too, because half the adults also acted like kids, which made it easier to blend in.
don’t confuse the wired with the real world.
[talk more about these last two]
the miscellaneous messages were probably pretty influential on me.
and perhaps i also assume that a more powerful computer will also make me more powerful.
EP5: Distortion
lain looks really cute in this one. it makes me think the gonk moments must be intentional.
and her sister starts to lose her sense of self in this one. i forget what her ontology is.
oh hey this one predicts autodriving cars malfunctioning (though honestly, that one wasn’t hard to predict).
ok so arisu really is looking into this and is reasonably online. she’s not just a normie.
EP6: KIDS story
my first experience with the internet was during the 56k days. we soon moved and our new isp had a download accelerator that bumped speeds up to 70–80k. my current isp offers me 300,000k, though unless i buy a new modem i’m stuck at only around 250,000k. shouldn’t i switch? i’m leaving 50k of k on the table! that’s like 900 dialup connections!
but at the same time, i don’t think my internet experience now is a thousandfold improvement over my childhood one. sure the people around me have grown and developed just as i have, but we’ve all just gone from being immature kids to being immature adults. sure the porn is clearer, but the pussies are the same.
fears / dear / ear in the opening has officially started to annoy me.
and this is when she gets the good computer. i think this is as good a sign as any that computers have become her special interest.
“going back to your old self” i like this compulsory sociability.
and i think this part rejects the perspective that the irl world is better than online world, maybe.
wherein lain gets her nudes posted on twitter dot com.
and her sister is gone by this point.
it’s pretty obvious that this taps into an anxiety that i assume a lot of accelerationist-y people have to deal with at some point, which is that even though we can make technology smaller and faster and more powerful, humans have a hard cap on how much better they can really get. and even now i feel like we’re pushing the boundaries of these limits.
(note: where are the stuffies? are they still around?)
[also i fell asleep during when he described KIDS so i should rewatch that section again]
EP7: Society
she loses her hat in the intro! (god i’m turning into what happened when i watched angel’s egg)
*on seeing the always-online dude with the vr mask* i relate a lot to this man
wherein arisu touches lain’s pale hands.
and all the dudes are horny.
except for the one dude chasing mod status.
i guess now that i think about it, the personality distinction between irl lain and wired lain is a fun way of reinforcing the theme of the two being interconnected – especially as the former begins to take on characteristics of the latter. though this is also the point where she becomes positioned as not being traditionally “human.”
EP8: Rumors
lain yelling at people through the tv during the opening is extremely internet, yes. she’s just like the people i see on twitter every day!
and this is the cum on in one, which means i guess it’s time to talk about the role of sexuality in this one.
i’m guessing part of it has to do with the historical tradition of the internet as being for porn. it always has been, it always will be. and even one of the first widely distributed color images was of a pinup. if you know where to look then you can see her tits too.
but there’s also this secondary idea of the internet as a place through which we gratify our base desires. like the kid killing things just because it’s fun. [more?]
her parents just staring is pretty great.
lain is really just trying to fucking keep it together and it hurts to watch.
lain-of-the-wired has some amount of what i can consider to be protagonist privilege, in that everyone seems to care about her. but then again, given her status in the wired, i guess it would make sense for people to be interested in her.
voyeur lain and what information means
EP9: Protocol
the bear pajamas are back! the stuffies are around again!
so i guess even in her ultimate connectivity she must feel alone.
[…]
everything is going batshit now and it’s beautiful.
ok so she did have a nice room at one point.
(and check out lain’s ultra-smooth animation near the end)
EP10: Love
the bit about lain/eiri making gods to worship her through knights does hit different after being on pleroma.
and i think the dialogue between her and her dad about being alone might end up being what drives her decision in the end.
EP11: Infornography
(“inconvenient body” flashed on the screen at one point)
i can relate to being a total creep around my friends though
EP12: Landscape
wherein lain is the smug anime girl.
(also lain in summer dress is really cute)
also this plot is basically just the human instrumentality project but electric type instead of water type huh.
lain holding the bear is a good look though.
wherein lain gets to touch the titty.
EP13: Ego
she made her bleed
(his wife calls the computer a keisanki. lol. lol?)
perhaps it’s that lain chose not to be remembered not just because of what she personally did, but because of what lain represents.
i have to assume that a lot of what’s happening here is a product of her own memory. so she’s just talking to her self, sometimes more literally than others.
and from that perspective, and with her talking about memories of the future (along with her line right after), it makes me wonder if this scene was also playing out in her mind.
god i want to cry.
cleo @mystictunic
finished my rewatch of lain and i finally realized that the ending scene where she meets arisu years down the line is likely a product of her imagination
https://twitter.com/mystictunic/status/1331242653032263681 8:25 AM · Nov 24, 2020
cleo @mystictunic
and it’s kinda especially heartbreaking this way!
the most lain can do is imagine a future where the only one she’s ever loved is happy, but a future where arisu is happy has to be one that doesn’t involve her and anyway this is what purity route is abo
https://twitter.com/mystictunic/status/1331242787384266754 8:26 AM · Nov 24, 2020
2024-05-18 – 2024-05-25
“brains are electricity and computers are electricity”
also in ep10 i believe eiri calls himself atashi at one point (maybe with the flange?) and one i hooked onto those stylistic differences this scene became very confusing to follow. both eiri and lain speak through each other just as often as they speak for themselves, and keeping up with the locus of each character throughout that scene is disorienting…
(that last segment about how information is designed to be in motion is interesting, as if its excess accumulation is somehow maladaptive. i should rewatch that part again to understand what that’s about)
…but it really feels like a tragedy, right? lain is someone who is desperately seeking connection, but all her attempts to attain it (at least irl) end poorly. lain is someone who is able to connect freely to the wired, but is confronted at every turn with the psychic damage that increased connection to the wired causes in those she’s around. and she is that nextstep in human evolution – her existence depends on her being it – and yet it’s unfulfilling for her just as much as for everyone else. maybe if she really committed then she might be able to fulfill her desire through the wired, but it’d be far more rational to write this whole experiment off as a loss… even if it hurts.
so, all of these are the same thoughts that i had last time, but they feel stronger now.